If it is one thing I am sure of, it is my mom's love for me and my brother. Throughout the years I know that she has cared for me, physically, mentally and spiritually. I know that she tried several remedies and treatments because she had a hard time getting pregnant so I can imagine how happy she got when she found out she was. The love a mother has for her child must be a special one. I will not say that EVERY mother feels this as I know there are a lot of bad mothers out there... but I think there are more good mothers than bad. One day I will know exactly how it feels like, for now I can only get an idea... I mean... who can't love a child that was inside her for 9 months? I hear a lot of mothers say that from that moment on, life takes a whole new meaning for them...
I started to think... 'Wow, what if we were to have a hurricance?'... we wouldn't have nowhere to go... in california there are no hurricanes really so we would go a little crazy if a hurricane all of a sudden came here. States in the east are prepared for that, some have a safe place to go underground when that happens... we don't have any of that here. And I know that the chances of having a hurricane in california are not so big but who knows... the way the climate is changing in these years... anything can happen...
I remember I discovered Pippi when I was around 9 years old. The school took us to the town library and I remember checking out the book (Pippi Longstocking) and I remember reading it and thinking how wild the story was! LOL Here is a girl who is so powerful she can lift a horse and practically beat any kid or adult up. She lives alone in a house and everything she does is an adventure, even washing the dishes or cleaning the floor (think skating). A few months ago, I was cleaning the garage and found a Pippi book that I had bought in the 80s, it even had some notes I made, it was so cool, it brought back the memories of reading the books and seeing the show and movies on Television.
Not too long ago my little cousin was at my house and noticed the book and asked me about it. She didn't know who she was so I lent her the book and she told me she loved it! She finished it quickly and now wants to see the Pippi movies I have. It was fun to see her discover Pippi Longstocking...
I think experiencing the war has made me the person I am today. When I hear of some famous people like Audrey Hepburn who did such good humanitarian work, visiting kids of third world countries, it brings peace to my heart. I can understand her completely when she said she felt the need or responsibility to do that work. Audrey also experienced civil war in her country and knew how it felt.
During the civil war in El Salvador, you felt a sense of being alone, you had to look out for yourself, you were just on your own. You couldn't go to the soldiers from the government for help as a lot of them were corrupt, you couldn't go to the guerrilla for help as also a lot of them also did terrible things. Both used children and forced them to fight, to hold a weapon and kill other humans and animals.
In my neighborhood, there was a little girl who was killed. I knew her. A special service was held for her at night. I remember the room being dark, a lot of women dressed in black holding prayer beads and they all kept saying a prayer outloud. Repeating the same things. To a little girl, seeing the dark room, seeing the women dressed in black, candles everywhere, the girls body and the sound of them saying this prayer sounded scary. I started feeling very scared, I guess it was a combination of the prayer service and from the stress of not knowing when the soldiers or guerilla would appear and start shooting. I was tired of not being able to play freely because of the soldiers outside my house, I was tired of hiding under the beds at night so a stray bullet wouldn't hit us during their many shootings at night, I was tired of not feeling safe at church anymore as they would fire at the walls and again we would all go on the ground, I was tired of living in fear, looking over your shoulder and falling to the ground in the middle of the street if all of a sudden a fight broke out between the soldiers & guerilla, I was only 7 years old. During that service, I went to my mom and grabbed her and said I wanted to get out of there. I just wanted to be somewhere not surrounded by death and sorrow and people crying. About 5 years ago, I attened a friends funeral at the catholic church. They started to do the prayer and hearing everyone pray like they had done that night instantly brought me back to that time in El Salvador, I again felt that same feeling and had to leave the church and wait for my friends outside. I got some fresh air and tears formed in my eyes I guess being thankful that I survived, that I was able to get out but also felt sad for the kids that I knew who stayed there, I wondered what happened to them, did they survive?
I couldn't believe what I had just experienced. It was awful to go back in time to that and feel those feelings again.
A lot of injustice happened during the Civil war. To think that only about 30 minutes away from my town, an awful massacre was comitted in Morazan that is now considered one of the worst atrocities in latin america. Soldiers arrived in the village and separated women, men & children. They raped the girls, they killed all of them after mutilating them with machetes and after they were done with the humans, they proceeded to kill the animals in the village. Only one person escaped... a woman by the name of Rufina Amaya who saw and heard her children and friends being killed. Hearing and experiencing things in a war affect you in some way, no matter how old you get. I know that one of my cousins starts screaming and gets really frightened by the sound of gunshots... she has her own story to tell. I know that I don't like to hear that certain prayer because my brain associates it a lot with that time in my life. But we are here, we survived and escaped and God will one day bring true justice.
A few years ago, I bought a movie called Voces Inocentes (Innocent Voices) which tells the story of a young boy and his family as they experience the war. It is very hard to watch for several reasons. Here is a trailer of the movie:
When I was younger I sometimes would get my hand slapped if I was caught biting my nails lol. There are times when I have tried to let them grow and they have but then I watch a suspense movie and before I know it, I have bitten off my nails! lol
I do have strong nails and if I were to just let them grow my nails would rejoice with happiness lol. About two weeks ago I put some nail polish on them and amazingly have not bit them. They are growing nice but I have to have the will power to not bite them. Just a few minutes ago I felt them and thought 'Wow, they are good for biting'. LOL! It's weird I know! I had to tell myself to stop touching them and concentrate on something else. So for now, my nails are still safe lol. I like how they are looking so hopefully I can break this bad habit of nail biting!!!
On the other hand, a good habit I have been keeping is doing regular exercise and eating a lot healthier than I used to. I do allow myself to have one day of 'Junk Food', I don't go overboard on those days but if I want to have a Hamburger and chocolate shake I will. :) I just work out a little extra the following day. :)
What can I say about latin dances? I love them! Salsa, Mambo, ChaCha, Rumba, Merengue, Bachata, Samba, Bosa Nova, Bolero & Paso Doble are just great to watch and even better to dance.
When I was fifteen I was at a party when this guy asked me to dance Salsa with him. At the time I didn't know how to dance and felt really embarassed trying to do the moves lol. I didn't want that to happen to me again so I started learning how to dance Salsa, Merengue & Samba. There were times when I would practice at a friend's house in their garage. So several weeks after, we went to another party and was asked to dance again. This time it was merengue and the experience was a lot different from that first time. I felt the music, moved to the rhythm and had a blast. The practices had paid off. My friend looked at me and said, "I knew you had it in your blood!".
Since then, I have kept practicing. I dance for fun and also like hip hop. I mostly dance Salsa, Merengue and Samba but want to learn the rest of the latin dances someday.
Here is one of my favorite dances from "So You Think You Can Dance". :)
Here is one of my favorite Autumn pictures:
- Current Mood: calm